


A Series of Ridiculous Reveals

by JamieHasCatEyes



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, can be read separately, unrelated one shots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 12:44:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 15,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12984336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieHasCatEyes/pseuds/JamieHasCatEyes
Summary: A collection of disparate stories about the silly ways our favourite dumb heroes could out themselves.





	1. Marinette Screws Up

Marinette was quickly getting annoyed. The current akuma was kicking her proverbial backside and laughing while she did so. Furthermore, Chat Noir had not made an appearance, so Ladybug had to suffer this indignity alone.

'You know,' the akuma called from the roof of a car, 'it's widely assumed that Chat Noir is the sidekick. But from what I've seen today, it's your skill level that could use some work, Ladybug. Perhaps you should go back to superhero school for a refresher course.'

Ladybug groaned, loud and obnoxious. 'I don't need life tips from a two-bit, Harley Quinn knock off,' she retorted.

In her opinion, it was true. The akuma, Punk Princess, had pink and blue hair up in two high pigtails and a black and white chequered suit.

Punk Princess snarled at the comparison. 'I am not Harley Quinn,' she shouted, carefully enunciating each word.

'Whatever. Lucky Charm!'

The battle was finished shortly after that. Apparently, tardy slips and utter exasperation were great motivators.

Marinette detransformed in a discreet wall recess and gave Tikki a biscuit before she settled down to rest in Marinette's purse. Taking out her phone to check the time, Marinette groaned again. With a resigned sigh, she began the long walk home without a backward glance to the confused woman who had been Punk Princess.

_Thank goodness for that, too_ , Marinette thought.  _That was a stupid name. Chat would've had a blast with it_.

As she walked, she wanted to be angry with Chat Noir, but realistically, he was probably stuck in school and still blissfully ignorant. Just like she ought to be. It was only thanks to Alya that Marinette knew about the attack in the first place. Thanks to the app on Alya's phone, she got all the latest updates on akumas as well as Ladybug and Chat Noir sightings.

When Alya's phone went off during history class, Marinette made up a vague excuse before slipping quickly out of the room before Madame Bustier could ask too many questions.

Marinette sighed. Now everyone would think her period had started, or something equally embarrassing.

Marinette's head hurt and her feet had begun to ache. Her flats were not made for long distance walking. She sat for a moment on a conveniently placed bench and stretched her legs out.

'Marinette, are you ok?' Tikki asked, peering through a gap in the top of her purse.

'I'm fine. Just tired and achey,' she smiled at Tikki reassuringly.

'Are you sure? I can transform you if you'd like to get home faster,' Tikki offered.

'Aren't you exhausted after that fight?'

'I'm good enough to get us home.'

Marinette smiled at Tikki gratefully. 'All right, let me find a place to transform.'

Ducking down a narrow laneway, Marinette transformed again and swung across the rooftops, glad to be off her feet. She didn't mind walking normally, but an hour's walk after a frustrating fight  was expecting too much.

She arrived on her balcony and almost fell through her access hatch. She landed on her bed in an ungainly red and black heap and groaned again. Ladybug drew in a deep breath and climbed down from her bed backwards. Halfway down, she released her transformation, trusting Tikki to find her own food.

There was a thump behind her, followed by a stunned gasp. Marinette froze, sweat breaking out across her forehead. Face pale, she forced herself to turn around.

There, standing at the foot of her chaise, stood Alya. Marinette's schoolbag lay forgotten at her feet, but Alya's hands were still poised as if they were still holding it. Or, if she were holding her phone or some other recording device.

A litany of curses ran through Marinette's head as she stood, staring back at Alya. Then, Alya drew a deep breath.

Moving with Ladybug reflexes, Marinette leaped off the stairs, grabbed the pillow from the chaise and smothered Alya with it as she let out a scream. Marinette held the pillow in place until the shrieks had subsided. Then she very carefully pulled it back. Alya was quiet, but she was staring at Marinette with a wide, creepy smile. Marinette edged cautiously away from her.

'You. Bug,' Alya stated, pointing at Marinette.

Marinette grabbed Alya's arm and dragged her over to sit her on the chaise. She then stood over her, hands on Alya's shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

'You can't tell anyone. Do you understand me?'

'Maribug.'

Marinette blinked. This revelation had knocked Alya about worse than she thought.

'Ladynette,' Alya tried again.

'Ok, you need to rest now.' Marinette pushed Alya into a reclining position, fetching the pillow from the floor for her.

Marinette sat in her desk chair while she waited for Alya to let this new information sink in. It could be a very long wait. Marinette's headache came back.

Finally, Alya came back to herself. She sat up suddenly, startling Marinette.

'You're Ladybug,' Alya gasped with that creepy smile.

Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Marinette replied, 'yes. I'm Ladybug. But you absolutely cannot tell anyone. Do you understand?'

Alya looked offended. 'Who do you think you're talking to? I've read more superhero comics than anyone. I know how it goes. You have to keep your identity a secret to protect yourself and your friends and family. Please don't insult my intelligence.'

Marinette was stunned. She never would have thought the former Lady Wifi would be willing to keep a secret of this magnitude. Then again, Alya was her best friend, and true to the bone.

'You're right, I'm sorry.' Marinette said. 'You just shocked me, is all. No one is supposed to know.'

Alya gave her a genuine smile. 'It's ok, Girl. I got your back. Maybe I can even help out.'

Marinette looked at her in alarm.

'Not in a fight,' Alya clarified with an indelicate snort. 'I mean in other ways. Like coming up with better excuses to get out of class. Kim thought you had diarrhoea today.'

Marinette collapsed back in her chair with a mortified groan. What would Adrien think of her now?


	2. Panic Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari panics. Nothing new.

Twin shrieks tore through the calm night air. Marinette and Tikki scrambled out of the access hatch and on to the balcony, panting and sweating. They exchanged a wide-eyed look and nodded.

'There's nothing for it, now,' Tikki breathed.

'A shame, though it can't be helped,' Marinette agreed.

'We'll just have to burn the entire house down,' Tikki said mournfully.

Marinette had already begun her eulogy to her childhood home, when Tikki's eyes widened and she quickly flew to hide under the deck chair. Marinette stared at her quizzically for a moment before she head a thud behind her.

'Do I hear the sounds of a damsel in distress?' Chat Noir asked.

Reminded of why she was out here in the first place, Marinette turned to him. She struck a pose of abject helplessness.

'It's horrible, Chat Noir,' she wailed.

'Calm down, Princess. Tell your knight in shining armour what's wrong,' he smirked.

_Condescending braggart_ , she thought as her expression fell.

Pulling her face back into an expression of anguish, she pointed to her hatch. She swore her heart rate picked up again just thinking about the monster within.

'In there?' Chat Noir asked. 'Let me take a look.'

Marinette nodded her consent, hands clasped in front of her chest. Chat Noir jumped down her hatch. She could hear him shuffling about, looking for the intruder.

'Well, hey there, little guy,' she heard him croon. 'Come here, now. Come here.'

'Don't try to coddle it. Just kill it,' Marinette told him sternly.

Chat Noir poked his head up through the hatch. 'That's a little harsh, isn't it? He has a right to life too, you know.'

'No, it doesn't. It forfeited that right the moment it was born.'

Chat Noir tsked at her and hoisted himself out with his elbows. His hands were cupped around something, and Marinette's stomach flipped and clenched as she realised what he'd done.

'You have it in your hands?' she asked, horrified and disgusted.

'Come on, Marinette. It's just a little spider,' he held his hands out to her and showed her the little brown beast.

Marinette screamed. Her foot struck out, kicking Chat Noir's hand and catapulting the spider into the darkness.

'Wasn't that a bit of an overreaction?' he asked, rubbing the back of his hand.

'No,' Marinette denied vehemently.

Chat Noir raised an eyebrow at her.

'Spiders eat ladybugs,' she defended herself strenuously.

'What?'

'What?'

Chat Noir pointed at her. 'Are you?' he asked.

Marinette's eyes darted about, looking for an escape route.

'Ladybug?' Chat Noir finished.

Marinette turned to the railing on the other side of her balcony as fast as she could.

'Bug out,' she shouted as she nimbly hopped over the side.


	3. Great Disappointments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien's turn!

Adrien and Nino were spending their lunch break in the park. It was rare Gabriel let Adrien do anything unsupervised, let alone with Nino, so they were particularly happy to enjoy the sunshine and each other's company today.

Nino crossed his arms behind his head as he lay back on the grass, Adrien beside him, stretched out on his belly with his head by Nino's feet. Nino began to drift off, the ambient sounds of the city an urban lullaby.

He heard a soft gasp from Adrien. Looking down the length of his body, Nino saw Adrien was staring intently at something just in front of him.

'You good, Buddy?' he asked, still drowsy.

Adrien looked at him from over his shoulder. He was grinning so wide Nino thought his face would split.

'It's a ladybug,' he explained in wonderment.

Nino looked at him blankly. 'Huh?'

'It's a ladybug,' he repeated.

'Ok, Man. Whatever,' Nino gave Adrien a dubious look as he lay back down.

Adrien turned back to his insect. 'Hey, little ladybug,' he whispered to it.

Nino shook his head. He really needed to get Adrien out of the house more if he was reacting like this to a bug.

'Ladybug has sent me a little friend. Hello, Friend. Are you having a good day, Friend? There are lots of flowers here for you, Friend. Lots of soft bodied pests for you to eat. Mmm, aphids.'

Nino stared at the back of Adrien's head, dumbfounded.

'Did Ladybug send you to see me? Did she spot me over here?' he giggled.

Nino shook his head. Maybe Adrien has had enough sun. Maybe this was why Gabriel never let him out. Adrien had gone completely loopy in the fresh air. Maybe this was a type of altitude sickness, but induced by fresh air instead of extreme heights.

'Does Milady have a message for me, Friend?' Adrien asked.

Nino sat up and had to do a double take. Only Chat Noir used such an outdated term of address.

'What could she paw-sibly have to say to li'l ol' me?'

As Adrien trailed off into awful romantic prose and cat and bug themed puns, Nino sat back to take a moment to consider things. Only Chat Noir would talk like that. Nino brought his hand to his face with an audible slap.

If he were to be honest, Nino was more surprised by his own lack of astonishment than figuring out Adrien's identity. Shaking his head, Nino wondered how he had missed it for so long. Adrien was a terribly liar and not at all suave. Just like Chat Noir. Not to mention the hair, the physique, and the hopeless crush on an indifferent Ladybug.

Nino watched as Adrien slowly raised himself to his hands and knees. He was not impressed with his view of Adrien's backside as he did so. Carefully, Adrien turned around to show Nino something resting on his forearm. It was the ladybug.

'Look, Nino. Look. Isn't she beautiful?' Adrien asked with barely supressed glee.

'How do you know it's a she?' Nino asked.

Adrien looked at him as of here were daft. 'Of course she's a girl,' he scoffed.

'Ok, Man. Whatever you say,' Nino placated him with hands raised in surrender.

Adrien nodded, satisfied. 'Pretty, right?' he pressed.

'Yeah, Dude. Pretty.'

Adrien sat in front of Nino in a tailor's position and continued to babble lovey-dovey nonsense.

Nino couldn't look away. It was the sappiest train wreck he had ever seen. He wanted to record it. He wanted to rinse his brain out with bleach.

'Hey, Chat Noir,' he called.

'Yeah?' Adrien looked up expectantly.

Adrien continued to look at him, his smile slowly falling off his face. The silence between them was oppressive.

'Crap,' Adrien muttered.


	4. Who's Your Hawk Daddy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry

Ladybug and Chat Noir were triumphant, as usual. This akuma had been unexpectedly easy, not even requiring a Lucky Charm since it had caused no damage. Turns out, old ladies who just want to see their grandkids will simply offer their affection to other small children.

Ladybug released the butterfly and waved it away with her usual words. She and Chat Noir then stood proudly together while the media barraged them with questions. Finally, they took their leave amongst waving and cheering people, waving back and promising to return when the next akuma strikes.

They landed atop a nondescript roof for a quick breather before they separated for home.

'I wonder why Papillon only releases one akuma at a time?' Ladybug said. 'Surely it would be more effective to release multiple akumas at once.'

Chat Noir shrugged. 'Maybe he only has the one butterfly.' Chat Noir snickered as a thought occurred to him. 'Can you imagine him running around the city, chasing the butterfly you released so he can use it again? I bet he has a giant butterfly net, too.'

Chuckling, Ladybug replied, 'That is pretty funny. It doesn't hold with what we've seen, though.'

'Oh, what have we seen?'

'Remember Stone Heart? Hundreds of butterflies made up the projection of Papillon's head when he talked to us. They have to still be out there, somewhere.'

'Butterflies have a pretty short lifespan, though,' Chat Noir argued.

'Well, who knows with magic butterflies. He could also have bred them.'

'Papillon - Butterfly Breeder,' Chat Noir announced expansively, sweeping his arm out in a grand gesture.

Ladybug giggled. 'See you later, Chat Noir,' she waved as she swung away.

'Can't wait, Milady,' Chat Noir answered softly.

 

* * *

 

Adrien heard muffled crashes as he ascended the steps outside his front door later that afternoon. Curiosity piqued, he ran up the stairs before putting his ear to the door, listening intently for some indication of what was happening. All he heard was dull thuds and the occasional grumbled curse.

Slowly, cautiously, he opened the door and stepped inside.

'Close that door immediately,' Gabriel commanded. 'Don't let it get out.'

Adrien froze, stunned. Gabriel was running around the entry hall, hair dishevelled and red faced with a butterfly net. Adrien watched as Gabriel swung it wildly after a fluttering white butterfly, grunting with the effort and swearing at it with the most vulgar language when it evaded him.

'Uh, Father?'

'Hush, Adrien. I'm busy. I thought I told you to shut that door.' He swung the disappointingly average sized net again, and missed. Adrien closed the door as quietly as possible.

Climbing up on the bannister for greater reach, Gabriel swung the net, sweeping the butterfly out of the air. With a shout of victory, Gabriel climbed down and pulled his lapels straight with one hand, the other keeping a firm hold around the mouth of the net. 

Nathalie stepped out of Gabriel's office holding a large killing jar full of white butterflies.

'I've caught the rest, Sir,' she reported.

'Good. Come and collect this one.' 

Nathalie approached Gabriel and carefully relocated the captured butterfly into the jar. 

'What's going on?' Adrien asked, looking helplessly between Gabriel and Nathalie.

'We're catching butterflies,' replied Nathalie.

'Why?' Adrien felt weak.

'Adrien,' Gabriel said sternly. 'Do you have any idea how hard it is to train a butterfly?'

'Father?' Adrien called tentatively. 'are those Papillon's butterflies?'

Gabriel moved the net behind his back, utterly failing to hide the  evidence. 'No. I don't know what you're talking about. I just have a keen interest in entomology. Butterflies are the inspiration for my new line.'

Adrien could see the sweat beading his forehead.

'Right. I'll just be on my way, then,' Adrien said, circling around Gabriel and Nathalie in a wide arc.

As soon as he shut his bedroom door behind him, Adrien said, 'Plagg. We need to find Ladybug. Now.'

 

* * *

 

'Do you think he figured you out, Sir?'

'Not a chance.'  
  
---  
 


	5. What a Bee-otch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the hell, it's not funny?  
> Sorry about that. It does seem particularly Chloe, though.  
> To me, anyway.

Queen B's debut was met with excitement and speculation. The public was thrilled to have a new hero, of course, but there were some ne'er-do-wells who thought she had been brought in because Ladybug and Chat Noir couldn't do it alone. Ladybug and Chat Noir didn't dignify those accusations with a response. However, this only fuelled the rumours of their ineptitude.

Queen B, though, relished the attention. She thrived under the public's adoration and was quick to take credit, whether it was earned or not.

After the first two weeks with her new partner, Ladybug was not entirely pleased with Queen B's behaviour. Apart from being vainglorious, she clung to Ladybug like a barnacle, stifling her and hindering her movements at crucial times. Ladybug consoled herself with the thought that once the novelty wore off, Queen B would make a decent hero.

Ladybug clenched her teeth and forced a smile as she listened to Queen B big note herself in front of the news cameras. She hoped the novelty would wear off soon.

'Sure, it was all thanks to me. Ladybug would have totally failed if I hadn't been there,' Queen B boasted. 'I totally saved the day,' she finished with a self-satisfied nod.

'Oh, I think I hear our miraculouses beeping,' Chat Noir said, just a bit too loud to be natural. 'Thank you all, for your support,' he told the cameras with a charming smile. 'We need to go. Now,' he mumbled in Queen B's ear.

'But I'm still talking,' she protested.

Chat Noir grabbed her by the arm and started walking, pole vaulting onto the rooftops once he was clear of the crowd.

Queen B staggered when she landed, freed from Chat Noir's grasp. 'What the hell?' she demanded.

Ladybug joined them and glared at her, jaw clenched.

Recognising Ladybug's mood, Chat Noir moved to defuse the situation.

'Bee, you can't say things like that,' he told her.

'Like what?' she asked, crossing her arms

'You can't say your teammate would have failed without you,' he explained.

'Why not? It was true,' she insisted mulishly.

Ladybug could have ripped Queen B's hair out. She curled her hands into fists so she wouldn't be tempted to snatch at her ponytail and yank.

'A part of being a team means sharing everything. That includes credit and blame. You certainly don't throw your teammate under the bus and claim all the glory for yourself,' Chat Noir said.

Ladybug took a deep breath. 'We do everything together. We win together, we lose together. We praise each other for a job well done, and console each other after a failure.

'Your behaviour has been completely self-serving. That is not how teams work and is totally unacceptable. Furthermore, you're now a role model for children everywhere. You have to set a better example.'

'Ugh, whatever. I'm going home.' Queen B flipped her hair and ran off.

Ladybug and Chat Noir exchanged a look before they, too, left to go home.

 

* * *

 

Arriving at school the following morning, Marinette saw Chloe surrounded by a group of people as she regaled them with stories of Queen B's exploits. Marinette rolled her eyes and joined Alya on the other side of the courtyard.

'Can you believe that girl?' Alya asked, indicating Chloe with a tilt of her head.

'I thought she idolised Ladybug,' Marinette said, uncertainly. As much as Chloe annoyed her as Ladybug, Marinette couldn't help but worry at Chloe's new hero. She didn't need someone like that to look up to.

The bell rang and the students dispersed, though Chloe was still loudly singing Queen B's praises.

By the time lunch break came, a rainstorm had settled over the city. The students opted to stay in their classroom with whatever food they had brought, and sharing what they had with those who hadn't brought any.

'Well, I still say Queen B is the best hero,' Chloe proclaimed. Sabrina nodded along obediently.

'Are you out of your mind? Ladybug is the greatest saviour of Paris,' Alya retorted derisively.

'Excuse you, Ladybug is an incompetent cow,' Lila put in. 'Everyone knows it now, too.'

Almost all of the others shouted her down, saying she was just bitter after her time as Volpina. Lila flipped her hair and ignored them.

'I think Chat Noir is pretty cool,' Adrien said quietly.

'Yeah, totally,' Nino agreed. Adrien grinned at him.

'Ugh, sorry Adrikins. You're wrong. Chat Noir is just a hopeless fan boy.'

Adrien looked like he was trying to not be upset. Marinette felt righteous fury come over her.

'Hey, Chat Noir is a fantastic hero. He's always supported Ladybug, he's loyal, brave, and kind. You don't know the first thing about him, so don't talk as if you do.'

Adrien was looking at her with something close to awe. Marinette blushed under his gaze.

'Oh, and I suppose you do? You're just like one of his creepy fans,' Chloe responded.

'Well, I'd rather be a fan of Chat Noir than that vain, arrogant, selfish, glory hound you admire so much. Now that I think of it, it really shouldn't surprise me that you like her so much. You're so alike.'

The class oohed at the verbal slap. Adrien was still looking at her, smiling wide.

Chloe was furious. 'How dare you talk about me like that?' she shrieked. 'Do you have any idea what it takes to be a heroine of my calibre? I work my butt off for ingrates like you. I risk my life every day so you can be safe. But, of course, you don't know. You're just a miserable baker's brat who will never amount to anything.'

The class fell silent.

Finally, Adrien asked, 'Chloe, are you Queen B?'

Chloe's eyes widened as she went completely still. Slowly, she relaxed and crossed her arms.

'Of course I am. Who else could be this fabulous?'

Marinette's head hit her desk with a solid thump.


	6. Behavioural Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gross cat habits

Ladybug heaved a sigh of relief as she cleansed the butterfly. It had been a tough fight, and without Chat Noir, she had despaired.

But, Good always triumphed over Evil, even though it may sometimes take a little longer than it should have. She waved the butterfly off.

 

* * *

 

Adrien had come running as fast as he could.

Once he realised Ladybug needed him, Adrien had abandoned his fencing lesson with some lame excuse. He knew he would pay for his actions later, but he had more pressing priorities. Unfortunately, other members of the fencing club had been in the locker room rehydrating, depriving him of a safe place to transform. So, he'd run out to the street, still in his fencing uniform, in the hope he'd find somewhere private along the way. In keeping with his Bad Luck theme, no such opportunities presented themselves. He had arrived at the Champs-Élysées sweaty and too late.

He was only a few feet behind Ladybug when she released the butterfly. It fluttered slowly up and away as Adrien watched it intently.

 

* * *

 

Ladybug was giving herself a mental pat on the back when she heard footsteps. She turned to see Adrien, in his fencing gear, chasing the butterfly she had just released. She watched as he leapt with his arms outstretched, trying to catch it. He swiped at it with one hand when it flew a little lower, jumping and leaping around, determined to seize it when it rose again.

Ladybug was disconcerted by his unblinking gaze as he pounced, swiped, and stalked the hapless bug. She wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish, but it was clear he was making a concentrated effort.

Finally, the butterfly landed on a leaf of one of the many trees lining avenue. Ladybug had to stifle a giggle as Adrien stood beneath it, wiggling his backside before jumping and catching the insect in both hands.

He landed on all fours, the butterfly trapped under his hands. He lifted one hand, slamming it down again when the butterfly moved. Then, he carefully raised both hands. The instant the butterfly moved, Adrien squashed it flat with both hands again.

Apparently growing tired of this, he then lay belly down on top of the bug. His expression was completely serious the whole time.

Ladybug was stunned. The love of her life was acting like a lunatic.

'Uh, Adrien?' she called.

Ignoring her, Adrien got to all fours again and turned around. Normally, Ladybug would have appreciated the view of his derrière, but she was too concerned  as to why he had suddenly put his face to the ground.

Cautiously, she approached him.

'Adrien?' she called again.

He planted his backside on the ground, turning his head to look at her over his shoulder.

Ladybug choked on her own spit.

Sticking out of his mouth was a butterfly wing. Adrien began chewing, mouth open, looking as if nothing were amiss.

Ladybug gagged as her miraculous beeped.

'I have to go,' she said, holding her stomach.

As she fled, Ladybug hoped her lunch would stay down long enough for her to get to the toilet.


	7. Behavioural Issues Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Action! Drama! Suspense!   
> Featuring, Gross Cat Habits.

The akuma struck just as the lunch bell rang. It seems not having enough time to finish a test was upsetting enough to attract Papillon.

Marinette let her classmates race out ahead of her, shutting the classroom door behind them. She squatted below the windows and called for her transformation.

When Ladybug landed in the courtyard below, Chat Noir was already there. He seemed to be enjoying himself, leaping around and taunting the akuma. Ladybug gave a lopsided grin and joined the fight.

It was a hectic battle. The akuma was an overachiever in his daily life and that had carried over to his new form. Unfortunately, he was armed with a blaster. Anything he hit exploded with enough force to knock Ladybug and Chat Noir off their feet, and it was affecting their surroundings.

'We need to wrap this up, Bug,' Chat Noir called, eyeing the upper level warily.

'Right,' she responded. 'Lucky Charm!'

Armed with only her yoyo and a wire coathanger, she and Chat Noir caught the villain and broke his pocket protector.

Just as she was about to catch the escaping akuma, there was a screech of metal as the support pillars on the south side began to collapse. The students huddled under the catwalk screamed and tried to get away. However, in their panic, they stampeded over each other in their primal urge for survival. Many fell or were inadvertently pushed down and trampled by their classmates.

Ladybug rushed toward them, wading through the masses and pushing the ones she could reach toward the exit. She shoved the injured ones into the arms of their friends, ordering them to help. She had just finished clearing the area when the upper level collapsed, sending dust and debris everywhere.

Ladybug sighed, dirty and tired. She bent forward, resting her hands on her knees, when she noticed she still held her Lucky Charm. Ladybug groaned, loud and long, at her own stupidity.

Two other things also occurred to her. Chat Noir was nowhere to be seen and the akuma was long gone.

Ladybug threw her head back, wailing pitifully as she sat heavily in the dust and rubble.

She berated herself severely as she got up again to find Chat Noir.

'Chat?' she called.

Visibility was low with the dust still hanging in the air. Ladybug drew a deep breath and coughed out a weak 'Miraculous Ladybug!'

Finally, she could see Chat Noir. He was crouching in the furthest corner of the courtyard, staring at her and slowly chewing on something with his mouth open.

'What do you have in your mouth?' she asked sternly.

Chat Noir's eyes widened and he made to run away.

'What do you have in your mouth?' Ladybug repeated loudly as she chased him.

* * *

It wasn't until after she'd caught Chat Noir, and made him spit up the akuma, that she realised why this had felt so familiar.

'Adrien, ew,' she exclaimed with deep disgust.


	8. Fox and Turtle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you deal with a troublesome Kwami?  
> Alya needs help.

Alya loved being a superhero.

As Rena Rouge, she had powers, fans, and a new companion. Trixx was a mischievous little thing, but she was also extremely cute. This worked against Alya as much as it worked for her, as Trixx gave her powers, kept her company, and allowed Alya to brush her darling little tail. Unfortunately, she also did what she wanted with no thoughts to the consequences, but Alya always let her off lightly because she was just too cute.

Alya often thought she should remind Trixx of the need for secrecy, but suspected it would do no good. She had been around for millennia, and had, undoubtedly, heard it all before. So, Alya held her tongue and hoped Trixx would know when to hide when it really mattered. She had, so far, avoided detection from Alya's parents and siblings, at least.

On patrol with the others, Rena Rouge asked her teammates what their kwamies were like, and how they got along with them. She was genuinely curious as she had never been able to meet another kwami.

'Tikki is a sweetheart,' Ladybug said with a wide smile. 'She loves chocolate chip biscuits, always has my back, and moonlights as my moral compass from time to time. She's like my very own Jiminy Cricket.'

'Plagg's a greedy little smart arse,' Chat Noir said with a wry twist of his lips. 'He's always reluctant to do any real work, and has the most unwholesome obsession with camembert. But, I can count on him when I really need him; he supports me through the tough times.'   

'Wayzz is so Zen,'  Carapace added. 'He's super chill all the time, really wise, and one hundred percent on my side. He's really helpful, too, telling me how to best utilise my miraculous.'

'Pollen is Pollen,' Queen B said, dismissively, with a wave of her hand.

'Yeah, that's really helpful, QB,' Rena Rouge said, ironically.

'I told you not to call me that,' Queen B huffed. 'Ugh, this is all your fault,' she shot at Chat Noir.

Chat Noir just shrugged, unapologetic.

'Why are you asking, anyway, Rena? I hope you're not having trouble with your kwami. Tikki told me she could be a handful,' Ladybug said with concern.

'I think you mean a paw-ful,' Chat Noir interrupted. Everyone ignored him.

Rena Rouge shook her head. 'No, it's nothing like that. Trixx just pops out whenever she feels like it, and doesn't seem to care if someone sees. I just wanted to know how you keep your kwamies in line.'

'You don't,' they all replied simultaneously.

 

They split into pairs for their patrol that night, with Chat Noir on his own, as he had dubbed himself the bad arse of the group. Odd numbers had nothing to do with it, no Sir. However, it turned out to be an uneventful evening. Akuma activity had been quiet lately, and Rena Rouge could only surmise that all five of them together scared the pants off of Papillon.

'That's not an image I needed,' Chat Noir complained. Queen B nodded, curling her lip in distaste.

Carapace snorted a laugh. 'Can you imagine it?' he asked. 'Dude running around with no pants would be hilarious,' he cackled.

'Comedic gold,' Queen B said, drily.

Ladybug just smiled, looking a little strained.

They parted ways, headed to bed, after that. They all had places to be, and things to do the next morning.

Alya got home and detransformed. She had a date with Nino tomorrow and needed her beauty sleep. She normally didn't give much thought to her appearance, but she still didn't want dark circles under her eyes. Nino could not be allowed to think she lost sleep over him. No boy was worth losing sleep over, in her opinion, no matter how sweet he was. Alya considered telling Marinette that the next time she freaked out over Adrien at one of their slumber parties. 

Alya snorted. 'As if that would do any good,' she mumbled.

She smiled as she curled up next to Trixx.

'G'night, Trixx.'

'Good night, Kit.'

 

Alya awoke at a reasonable time the following morning, with plenty of time to get herself and Trixx ready. She grabbed her phone, bag, and kwami and left for the Trocadéro where she had organised to meet Nino during the week. Trixx hid under her hair as she called her farewells and departed.

She met Nino at the Trocadéro esplanade, facing the Eiffel Tower, at the top of the stairs. They waved and greeted each other with cheek kisses, their date officially on. They walked around, bought ice cream from a vendor, and had lunch in a sweet little café. Sometimes, if he felt bold enough, Nino would even hold her hand. Alya shook her head at his bashfulness, unusual in a Parisian teen, but refrained from commenting. It would be mean to draw attention to it, and she didn't want him to feel inadequate. Truthfully, it was sweet, and she appreciated the way he respected her personal space.

Late in the afternoon, they sat in the park by Marinette's house, sharing a bag of pastries.

Alya felt bad that she had ignored Trixx all day, and she was sure she would find something squishy and unpleasant in her shoe tomorrow. But, it couldn't be helped. She had promised Nino a date, and refused to go back on her word.

Alya was just about to take a bite out of her blueberry jalousie when Nino caught her attention. He was staring at her, and not in the fun, romantic way. His mouth was open, and his eyes were enormous as he pointed at her with a shaky finger.

Instantly, Alya panicked.

'Is it a spider?' she shrieked. 'Get it off, get it off, get it off,' she hollered. People began to stare as she sprang to her feet, dancing in a circle as she tried to locate and swat the little beast.

Nino grabbed her hand and pulled her back to the grass beside him. He gave the people watching them an awkward wave and they moved on.

'Get it off of me,' Alya demanded.

'Chill, Babe, there's no spider,' he said, barely moving his mouth.

Alya was confused. 'Then what were you staring at?'

Nino pointed to her shoulder again. 'I was wondering why you have a kwami sticking out of your hair,' he explained in a hushed, strained voice.

Alya turned her head to see Trixx staring mournfully at the jalousie Alya had dropped. Trixx let out a tiny whimper at the loss as Alya remembered that blueberries were Trixx's favourite food. After being neglected all day, she was probably hungry enough to disregard safety and chance a sneaky nibble.

_Not sneaky enough_ , Alya thought. Trixx was going to get a long overdue scolding when they got home.

'Wait a minute,' Alya said. 'How do you know what a kwami even is?' she squinted at Nino.

Nino stiffened, eyes darting from side to side. 'Did I say kwami? I never said kwami. I said salami. You're hearing things. You're crazy,' he babbled.

'Just shut up and walk me home, Carapace,' she said with a shake of her head.

She heard a chuckle come from his pocket, and he looked at it, aghast.

'Traitor,' he whispered in a scandalised tone.


	9. Maths and Other Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari's flunking math. Help, help! Who will help?

Marinette was having a crisis. Her latest math test came back and it was not good. Madame Mendeleiev told her she needed a tutor if she wanted a passing grade, which Marinette had to acknowledge as true. But, Madame Mendeleiev didn't have to say so in front of the whole class. No one had snickered or whispered behind her back, but she could feel their eyes on her. It felt like judgement and condemnation.

Marinette had moped in the courtyard during lunch, trying to think how she would tell her parents. She knew they wouldn't be angry with her, but they also wouldn't understand why her grades had been steadily slipping over the last year.

She had just resigned herself to her woeful fate of repeating a year, when a shadow fell over her. She lifted her chin from her knees to see Adrien lower himself to the ground in front of her. Marinette's eyes widened and her breath caught. She focussed intensely on her feet as sweat beaded on her forehead.

Rubbing the back of his head, Adrien said, 'that was pretty rough, huh? Madame Mendeleiev had no right to call you out in front of everyone like that. It was mean, unprofessional, and uncalled for.'

Marinette nodded, too miserable to speak, but a little part of her felt pleased by Adrien's support.

'Do you think you'll have to get a tutor?'

Marinette lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, then she sighed. It occurred to her she was being rude, not giving Adrien a verbal answer. As much as she didn't need the extra humiliation right now, she owed him a proper response.

Eyes still downcast, she replied, 'probably. It's not like we can't afford one. Contrary to what many people think, our bakery makes plenty of money.'

'But that's not the real problem here, is it?' he asked quietly.

Marinette shook her head. It hadn't escaped her attention that she had just managed a complete sentence in front of him without a single stammer or blunder. Perhaps abject misery was good for something, after all. Either that, or she should never look him in the eye again. She was always at her worst when they made eye contact. As quickly as the thought had come, she dismissed it. His eyes were too pretty to not look at.

'So, what is the issue?' he asked, curiously.

'Mostly, my parents. Papa will be cool, he always was the chill one. He was also bad at maths in school. He'll tell me to try my best, and leave it at that. But Maman will be disappointed. Her parents were strict and had high expectations of her when she was in school. Maman isn't as bad as they were, but she still expects a certain level of achievement.'

'Sounds like a lot of pressure,' Adrien commented.

'It's not so bad. It's just hard seeing the disappointment on her face.'

Adrien patted her shoulder. Marinette swore she nearly achieved lift-off with how high she jumped.

'Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to startle you,' he apologised, hands up in surrender.

Finally, she looked up at him. His hands were still raised, his back ramrod straight. Marinette stifled a giggle.

'Sorry. It's not your fault,' she assured him.

Adrien lowered his hands, smiling. 'Do you know what you're going to say to your parents?'

Marinette was brought back to harsh reality. Suppressing a groan, she said, 'the truth, I guess.'

Adrien nodded.

'Then, I suppose, we'll need to start the exhausting process of finding a tutor. That's going to suck.'

Adrien tapped his chin, thoughtfully. 'I could tutor you,' he offered.

Marinette stared at him in surprise.

Misreading her expression, he continued, 'I get high marks in math. I used to be tutored by Nathalie at home, and our curriculum was way ahead of what we've been doing here. I've done all this before, and I found it easy the first time around.'

'No need to gloat, Smarty-pants,' she teased in mock severity.

Misinterpreting her again, Adrien rushed to add, 'no. It's not like that. I'm not trying to brag or imply anything, I swear. I just mean, I'm in a position where I can help you. Please, let me help.'

Marinette looked him in the eye. That was a mistake. He was giving her the widest, most doleful and pleading eyes she had ever seen. She caved in an instant.

'Ok, you win. You can try to tutor me in math, or anything. Just stop with the puppy eyes.'

Adrien looked offended. 'Kitten eyes,' he corrected her, sternly.

Marinette looked at him quizzically for a moment, then shook her head. He was a cat person, apparently.

'Can you work out a timetable with me? I know you're super busy, and I also need to be able to tell Maman that I'm working on the problem.'

Adrien brightened up and nodded eagerly. 'I'm free after school today, if you want to make a start,' he offered. 'We can work on future study dates this afternoon, too.'

She almost inhaled her tongue when he said date, but, she managed to agree to his suggestion.

The bell to end lunch rang, and they walked to Madame Bustier's class together. Five minutes into the lecture, Marinette's stomach was growling loud enough for the entire city to hear. She cursed her lack of foresight, berating herself for moping around and feeling sorry for herself instead of finding something to eat.

 

After the last bell sounded, Adrien waited for her outside the school entrance. He'd had to explain to his bodyguard that he was helping a friend with homework, and the Gorilla had agreed to inform Nathalie. Marinette wondered how the Gorilla would communicate such a complicated sentence after Adrien told her he never spoke. Perhaps he would use sign language, or, more likely, write a note. Marinette giggled at her mental image of Gorilla holding a tiny pen as he scrawled across fancy Agreste stationery.

Marinette led Adrien to the bakery to see Sabine at the register, waving away her last customer.

'Good afternoon, you two,' she said excitedly, giving Marinette a curious look.

'Hi, Maman,' she replied, kissing Sabine's cheek.

'Good afternoon, Madame Cheng,' Adrien added, politely.

Sabine smiled at him before calling out, 'Tom, come say hello.'

Tom emerged from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. He smiled wide when he saw Marinette and Adrien. 'Hello, kids. How was school?'

Marinette swallowed the bile rising up her throat.

'It could have gone better. Marinette got chewed out in front of the entire class by Madame Mendeleiev. Apparently, lower grades are grounds for punishment by public humiliation,' Adrien told them, smoothly.

Marinette tried not to stare at him as he continued.

'So, I'm here to help Marinette get her grades back up so we can stick it to that old battle-axe.'

'Oh, that awful woman,' Sabine exclaimed, raising her hand to her cheek in shock.

Tom approached Adrien and placed a hand on his shoulder. 'This is very kind of you, my boy. So selfless and noble. Your parents raised you right,' he sniffled. 'I'm so proud of you,' he choked, tears in his eyes.

Adrien's eyes were equally misty. He looked up at Tom with adoration. 'Thank you, Sir,' he whispered.

Sabine was patting her eyes with a corner of her apron. 'Go on up and get started. I'll bring you something to eat soon.'

Marinette's eyes  flickered to each of them in turn, utterly bewildered. She grabbed Adrien by the back of his collar and wordlessly towed him away. Reaching her room, she turned to him. 'Don't think I didn't see what you did down there.'

Adrien shrugged with a grin. 'It worked, didn't it?'

'It was manipulative,' she told him, crossly.

Adrien flinched. 'Now that you mention it, I guess it was,' he replied, hanging his head.

'Well, it's too late now,' she sighed.

They sat at her desk and pulled out their books, as Marinette warned him she was practically unteachable.

'You just need someone to explain it to you in a way you understand,' Adrien assured her. 'Honestly, Madame Mendeleiev isn't the best explainer in the world. But, her way is not the only way. Look here,' he said, pointing at the first problem. He began to explain the different ways it could be solved as Marinette looked on, face blank.

Eventually, he found an explanation that made sense to her. She made him repeat the instructions as she followed along, applying it to the puzzle as he talked. They continued like this, until they hit a small snag.

'This next one is different,' Adrien said. 'It changes, so you have to change how you apply the formula to get the right result.'

'It changes?' Marinette exclaimed in outrage. 'Why would they do that?' she wailed, pitifully.

Adrien gave her shoulder a gentle pat and resumed his lesson. Marinette huffed, still bitter about the fickle nature of maths, and the impossible Man-Brain it took to decipher it.

'Man Brain?' Adrien laughed.

'Only a man could think this up and be deluded enough to think it makes sense,' she groused.

Adrien just shook his head at her before continuing the lesson.

They had been working for nearly an hour when Sabine came in, carrying a tray laden with foodstuffs.

'You've been working so hard,' she exclaimed. 'Time for a snack break. Growing minds need sustenance to fuel all that learning,' she said with a motherly smile.

'Thanks, Maman,' Marinette replied, dutifully.

'Thank you, Madame Cheng,' Adrien added with a smile.

Sabine grinned at them, kissed Marinette's cheek, and patted Adrien's head. He leaned into the touch like a puppy. Marinette thought it was cute. Sabine left with another smile and a wish for happy studying.

'What have we got here?' Adrien asked, looking at the tray Sabine had placed between them.

Looking it over, Marinette identified a variety of biscuits, small cakes, croissants, and a quiche.

Adrien eyed the quiche with interest. 'What kind is it?' he asked.

Marinette cut out a slice with the knife Sabine had provided, and took a bite. 'Cheese,' she replied, with her mouth full.

Adrien's nose scrunched up. 'Uh, none for me, thanks.'

Above them was a shrill cry of ' _cheeeeeeeeese_ ,' immediately followed by a wet  _splap_!

Marinette turned back to see tiny black hindquarters sticking out of the quiche, wriggling around enthusiastically. Little legs kicked and a long tail thrashed as the creature enjoyed its meal.

Marinette looked at Adrien as he turned to look at her. His face was pale, eyes wide, and his forehead beaded with sweat.

'Uhhh,' he trailed off.

'Adrien?' Marinette was beginning to feel faint.

'I can explain,' he said quickly. He reached out and grabbed the thing currently trying to tunnel its way through the quiche. He stuffed his handful of kwami and pie filling into his breast pocket, staring at Marinette the whole time.

She stared at his pocket as a tiny, muffled voice shrieked obscenities from within.

'How?' she asked, weakly.

'Uhhh,' he repeated, eyes roaming around the room. 'Oh, would you look at the time. I have to go. Photoshoot I totally forgot I had today. Father is going to be furious. See you later, bye,' he hollered so quickly Marinette barely understood him.

Adrien grabbed his bag and swept his belongings into it with his arm, then fled down the stairs. He called another goodbye to Sabine and Tom as he went.

Marinette stared after him, nonplussed.

'You know,' Tikki said, 'I don't think he was running late. He didn't look at his phone and his wrist was bare. I wonder if he even had a photoshoot,' she concluded with a look of suspicion.

Marinette slapped her forehead with a resounding smack.

Clearly, Tikki had to be brought up to speed on, obviously fake, excuses.

Also, Adrien was Chat Noir.

Marinette decided she needed to go to bed early that night, much to her parents' confusion.


	10. It's Natural

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir just wanted to show off and impress Ladybug.

Ladybug and Chat Noir were out late, finishing up patrol. It had been a quiet run, broken only by Chat Noir's occasional flirtation and Ladybug's witty retorts.

They finally stopped for the night on top of a building in the heart of the city, when something caught Ladybug's eye. She turned away from Chat Noir's smarmy grin to see a massive billboard covered by Adrien Agreste. She sighed dreamily as she imagined running her fingers through his perfect hair, kissing his perfect lips, and marrying into his perfect existence. She blushed when she thought of bearing him three perfect children.

She was so caught up in her daydreams, she failed to notice Chat Noir creeping up behind her. He rested his chin on her shoulder to see what she was staring at, and scowled.

Chat Noir pulled back, straightening up to his full height. He moved to stand in front of her, falling into a pose. He dragged one hand through his hair, and placed the other on his hip.

'Some people say I look like him, you know,' he told her with a wink.

Ladybug slowly and deliberately dragged her eyes over him.

'They do not,' she scoffed.

Chat Noir raised an eyebrow at her. 'We both have blond hair, green eyes, tall, svelte figures. We could be twins.'

Ladybug crooked her finger against her lips thoughtfully, scrutinising him carefully. 'Your transformation alters your eyes. Who's to say what else it changes?'

'I'll have you know, Bug o' mine, that all this,' he indicated himself with both hands, 'is all natural.'

'Uh huh.' Ladybug remained unconvinced.

Chat Noir began flexing his biceps. 'If you were to see that guy's arms, I bet he'd be totally ripped. He'd have to hit the gym regularly, of course. I, however, just have to be my paw-some self.'

'Whatever you say, Kitty.'

'Did you know he can speak three languages? I can, too. It's no big deal.'

'Sure, Chaton.'

'We also both play piano. I'm so sophisticated, don't you think?'

She looked at him quizzically, then. 'How do you know so much about Adrien Agreste?'

There as a lot of personal information about Adrien available for the world to see. He had done many television and magazine interviews, if someone wanted to find it. Ladybug just hadn't thought Chat Noir was a fan. Her stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch when she recalled Adrien was also a fan of Chat Noir.

'Oh, I just hear things. Read some things, here and there. Why do you ask?'

Ladybug didn't know how to phrase her next question, so she decided to take the direct approach.

'Are you in love with Adrien?'

Chat Noir made a sound like he had just inhaled his tongue and promptly choked on it.

'What? No,' he denied, vehemently.

'It's ok if you are,' she tried to soothe him.

'I'm not gay,' he shouted, red in the face.

'Bi?'

'No! Jesus H. Christ, Ladybug.'

Ladybug was a little surprised. After all his praising, she had begun to believe Chat Noir was infatuated with Adrien.

'Then why are you so obsessed with Adrien?' she asked. The only other person she knew with such an in depth knowledge of all things Adrien was herself.

Chat Noir crossed one arm over his chest, then rubbed his eyes with his free hand. 'I was just pointing out that we have a lot of the same qualities,' he explained, sounding tired.

Ladybug regarded him carefully. It was true they had the same colouring, and body type. She had to take Chat Noir's word for it about their shared hobbies, but there were other things they had in common.

Ladybug's eyes flickered between Chat Noir and the picture of Adrien behind him. They had the same nose, the same jawline, even the same laugh. They also shared a kind and generous nature, and, unfortunately, an atrocious sense of humour.

'Chat Noir?' she called, tentatively.

'Yes, LB?'

'Are you Adrien Agreste?'

Chat Noir threw his hands up. 'Finally,' he hollered. 'She gets it. See? I can't be in love with him if I am him.'

'Chat?'

'Yes, Milady?' he bowed to her, smiling wide.

'You better start running, 'cause I am going to murder you.'

Chat Noir gave an undignified yelp and fled as Ladybug lunged after him.


	11. Muffin Mishaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Carrie asked me to  
> Also, there is a whole page dedicated to bread puns -   
> http://punpedia.org/tag/muffin/

Marinette didn't like to brag, but this was a stroke of genius. She was a genuine, certified genius. Giving herself a mental pat on the back, she carefully packed the large boxes and carried them to school.

She arrived at her classroom just as the first bell rang, and was greeted enthusiastically by her classmates.

'What 'cha got in the boxes, Mar?' Nino asked, eyeing them eagerly.

Marinette grinned, holding the boxes up proudly. 'Personalised treats,' she declared. 'Baked fresh this morning.'

The class  _ooh_ ed appreciatively, leaning forward in their seats. Marinette set the boxes on Nino's desk and opened the lid of the first one, facing it away from him. She wanted this to be a surprise.

She lifted out a cupcake, large enough to be called a muffin, and placed it before Nino. It had three layers of icing, diminishing tiers of blue, red, and yellow with edible music notes sprinkled on top.

'Awesome,' Nino said. 'What's with all the colours, though?'

Marinette scratched the back of her neck with a guilty smile. 'I took the inspiration from your akumatised form. Bubbler was a very colourful character. It also matches your wrist bands,' she pointed out. Nino smiled and nodded in response.

Marinette distributed all the cakes, similarly themed after each person's akumatised self, with the exception of Adrien. His cake was topped with green icing, to match his eyes, and dusted with edible gold glitter.

'What flavour are they?' asked Nathaniel, already nose deep in his red, black, and white cake.

'They're all red velvet, but with raspberry instead of the more traditional ingredients,' she answered. 'It would have been great if I could make individual flavours to match your personalities, but I was on a time crunch.'

Marinette jogged back to the front of the class to place the last cake on Madame Bustier's desk. The icing had been cleverly dyed and shaped to look like an apple sitting in the cupcake paper.

'You really outdid yourself, Girl,' Alya praised her. 'Although, I'm more impressed by the fact you were able to get up early enough to make all this.'

'I can accomplish stuff when I want to,' she huffed as she took her seat.

Madame Bustier came in, then, and called the class to order. She thanked Marinette for her thoughtfulness and set aside her cake for later.

Marinette basked in her classmates' praise all day. She was used to this type of attention as Ladybug, but as Marinette, well, she didn't know what she was. Overlooked was too strong a word, but she was definitely understated as herself, compared to when she was Ladybug.

Marinette dismissed this line of thought as depressing. It was much better, and more productive, to think about her teammates, and how she could best support them.

 

* * *

 

Ladybug was late when they all met up for patrol that night, burdened as she was by two small boxes.

'You're late,' Queen B told her, flatly.

'What's in the boxes?' Carapace asked, ignoring Queen B.

Ladybug held up the boxes proudly. 'Personalised treats,' she answered, smiling wide.

Everyone stared at her, eyes wide.

Ladybug distributed the cakes, oblivious to their shock, explaining as she went.

'They're all red velvet because I didn't have time to make different flavours for everyone. But I modelled the icing after your super selves. Chat, yours is spiky green with black sprinkles to look like Cataclysm. The chocolate medallion on top has a paw print painted on to represent your ring. Clever, right?'

'Yeah,' Chat Noir replied, weakly, as he stared helplessly between his cake and Ladybug.

She looked at all of them, proud of herself. They stared back, open mouthed and eyes bulging.

'Marinette?' Rena Rouge asked, timidly. She held her cake, but had almost forgotten it was there.

Ladybug's smile dropped as her eyes grew wide. 'What? How did you figure that out?' she asked, aghast.

'Because you did the exact same thing in class today, Stupid,' Queen B snapped.

All eyes turned to her.

Ladybug felt like she was about to faint. 'You're both in my class?'

Queen B and Rena Rouge exchanged a glance before they both nodded.

Carapace slowly raised a hand. 'Sorry, Mar,' he said with a grimace.

Ladybug was stunned. 'Nino?'

'What?' Rena Rouge and Queen B shrieked simultaneously, turning to stare at him.

Carapace frowned. 'Way to be smooth, Mar.'

'Sorry,' she replied, ducking her head.

Rena Rouge was staring at Carapace. 'You said you were studying tonight,' she said, hotly, pointing an accusing finger at him.

'Huh?' Carapace looked confused. 'Why would I tell you,' he paused. 'Alya?'

'Alya?' the rest of them repeated, shocked.

Rena Rouge threw her hands up, exasperated. 'Look who can't keep a secret, now?'

'Ugh. What moron gave you losers super powers?' Queen B exclaimed, turning her back on them.

'That much charm could only be Chloe Bourgeois,' Rena Rouge quipped, sarcastically.

Chat Noir gasped. 'Chloe?'

'Is that really such a surprise, Cat Gut?' Queen B tossed over her shoulder.

They all turned to him, next. Ladybug secretly prayed he would be the odd cat out.

Chat Noir rubbed the back of his head with a sigh. 'Yeah, me too,' he confessed.

'Are you?' Carapace began, pointing at him.

Chat Noir just winced.

'Holy cow, you are. Bro,' Carapace laughed, pulling Chat Noir in for a hug.

'Adrien?' Queen B squawked, before spluttering into silence.

Ladybug could only stare, a finger slowly rising to point at Chat Noir. 'Chat Noir is Adrien? Adrien is Chat Noir?' her world was turning upside-down.

He turned to her with an awkward grin. 'Yeah, it's me,' he confirmed.

Ladybug babbled and stuttered nonsense until her lungs ran out of air. When they were completely empty, she fainted.

'I always knew she'd fall for me,' he chuckled, though it sounded a bit forced.

Rena Rouge glared at him as she tried to rouse Ladybug.

'You twit, come and help me.'

Chat Noir scrambled to assist Rena Rouge and Ladybug. Now was definitely not the time for puns.


	12. Cranky Kitty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir is peeved about something and Rena Rouge has to do a patrol with him. What joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's not funny.  
> Merry Christmas!

Chat Noir was in a mood. He had been curt throughout the team meetup before patrol, arms crossed and pouting while the others talked. When they split into pairs, he had immediately offered to go alone, but Ladybug had refused his request.

'I don't think you ought to be alone right now,' she said.

Chat Noir grumbled under his breath, while Ladybug asked for a volunteer to go with him. Rena Rouge knew she would have done so herself, but Ladybug had to take care of the new recruit, Carapace.

Queen B had arched an eyebrow before taking off on her own, leaving Rena Rouge to deal with Chat Noir. She sighed.

Rena Rouge hoped the run would clear his head, or wear him out enough to want to talk like a civilised person. They patrolled their section of the city at a gruelling pace, Chat Noir running as fast as he could, apparently trying to outrun his own thoughts. Rena Rouge struggled to keep up, but always managed to keep him in sight. She grew frustrated, though, wondering how they were supposed to see any wrongdoing while going this fast.

Eventually, Chat Noir paused on the highest platform on the Eiffel Tower to look out at the city. He crouched down, silent and broody, while Rena Rouge shook her head at his histrionics. If she had known what a drama queen Chat Noir was, she wouldn't have idolised him as much as she had.

Rena Rouge leaned against the barricade to watch him. His faux ears were flat against his hair, his tail thrashed, and his pupils had narrowed to slits, despite the dim lighting. It was a little intimidating.

Drawing in a deep breath, Rena Rouge approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

'Do you want to talk about it?' she asked.

Watching the skyline resolutely, Chat Noir replied, 'no.'

Rena Rouge rolled her eyes at his surly tone. 'You're being rude,' she told him. 'You'll give the newbie a bad impression.'

'So, what?'

'You were also rude to the rest of us. That includes Ladybug, you realise,' she added when Chat Noir didn't respond.

He flinched at that. It was a low blow, bringing Ladybug into it, but Rena Rouge had had enough.

'Look, you'll feel better if you talk about it,' she encouraged him.

Chat Noir looked away, turning his back to her. When his tail collided painfully against her shin, she stomped on it to keep it still.

'I'm not saying you have to talk to me,' she explained. 'But, you really should talk to someone. Ladybug, a friend, or a family member - '

'It's family that's the problem,' he burst out.

_Oh, boy_ , she thought,  _here it comes_.

However, instead of an angry holler, Chat Noir's eyes welled and his lower lip trembled.

'He lied to me,' he sniffled in a small voice. 'She lied to me. I thought he had finally done something cool for me, but it was all lies.'

Chat Noir's voice had started quietly, but he was wailing by the end of his sentence. Great tears flowed down his cheeks, his nose red, as he sat on the platform.

'They don't care about me,' he continued. 'They just do the bare minimum to make sure I'm still here, and if something makes their job easier, they'll use it without hesitation.'

Chat Noir paused to take a breath. He turned to Rena Rouge, then, looking sad. 'They both forgot my birthday. Wouldn't you think my own father would remember that? Had gotten me something? A card, a hug, anything. That would have been better than having Nathalie do it for him.'

Rena Rouge could see the hurt. She felt bad for him and guilty about her earlier intolerance. Chat Noir wouldn't be upset over something trivial, he wasn't that shallow.

'I even asked if I could have a party, several times, and they still forgot,' Chat Noir sniffled again.

He wiped his nose on his sleeve. 'What they did do,' he went on, 'was take credit for a gift a friend made for me. Something she made by hand that must've taken weeks. She had even wrapped it up and tried to give it to me herself, but I didn't notice because I'm as much of a monster as Father,' he wailed, loudly.

Chat Noir hiccupped and sniffled, gulping a breath. 'I loved that scarf. It was warm, and soft, and my favourite colour. Now it's tainted, but I can't tell Marinette that. Why didn't she tell me she made the scarf? She had plenty of chances to, so why let me believe a lie?'

He looked at Rena Rouge hopelessly, sounding small and vulnerable. She set aside her shock and pulled him into an awkward hug.

'Maybe she thought you looked happy, thinking it was from your dad. She probably didn't want to spoil it for you.'

Chat Noir huffed. 'That sounds like her,' he agreed.

'Your dad really took credit for it? That's a dick move. Although, from what I've heard, that's typical for Gabriel Agreste.'

'It really is. Hey, wait.' Chat Noir pulled back to look at her, eyes wide. 'How do you know who I am?' he shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at her. 'Did you stalk me?'

Rena Rouge rolled her eyes. 'No. It's because you just told me, you dork,' she replied with a flat expression. 'Marinette only made one person a scarf for their birthday, and she let that person believe a lie because it made him happy. Obviously, that was you, Adrien'

Chat Noir was still looking at her, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. 'How do you know all that? Do you know Marinette in real life?'

Rena Rouge stilled as her own eyes widened. 'Uhh,' she trailed off.

'Alya?' Chat Noir asked, eyeing her closely.

Rena Rouge sighed. 'Yeah, Daffodil, it's me.'

They both took a moment to breathe and get over their shock. Chat Noir placed a hand over his heart. When they had settled enough to be able to function, they agreed to keep the accidental reveal between themselves.

Neither wanted to endure Ladybug's wrath just then.


	13. An Honest Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nino discovers things he would rather not

Nino was sweating. It had been two days since he found out Marinette was Ladybug, and since then, he had hoped she wouldn't beat him into bloody pulp every time she glanced at him.

It hadn't been intentional. Nino had simply been walking down the street and had turned a corner just in time to see Ladybug change into Marinette. He had thought she would beg him to keep her secret, eyes watery and hands trembling, but that was not what happened. Instead, she had grabbed him by the collar and growled at him that if he told anyone, or said anything, he would be very sorry. Nino had nodded frantically, and had refused to speak at all since Monday. His silence was remarked upon by his family, teachers, and peers, but all Nino did in response was point at his throat and cough pitifully.

On Wednesday, Nino was seated at his desk before class with everyone else, waiting patiently for the bell. He could feel Marinette's glare, boring holes into his back. He shrugged, trying to ease the tension.

'Hey, did you guys see the akuma battle on Monday afternoon?' Alya asked, suddenly.

Nino flinched before turning to face Alya, Marinette, and Adrien. No one noticed his reaction as they had all turned to Alya. He forced himself to smile as they conversed.

'Yeah, it was awesome,' replied Adrien. 'Ladybug is amazing,' he added in a dreamy voice as he rested his chin on his hand.

Marinette shifted in her seat, her face red. Nino nodded as his cheeks began to ache.

'I wonder who she is,' Alya continued. 'Do you think Chat Noir knows?'

'I doubt it,' Adrien replied with a frown.

Nino's eyes slid cautiously to Marinette. She was already staring back at him with a look that clearly warned him to keep quiet. Sweat broke out anew before he turned to Alya with a shrug, hoping to seem nonchalant.

'It must be hard, maintaining a secret identity,' Marinette said, thoughtfully.

'It can't be that hard,' Alya scoffed.

Marinette shook her head. 'No, I mean having to lie about it. It must be really hard, having to deceive the people you love most.'

Nino looked up at Marinette. She was staring woefully into her lap, wringing her fingers. In his shock, Nino had never considered what life must be like for her, now. He could keep a secret when necessary, but it wasn't like he had anything so big as a secret identity, or a whole other life. Furthermore, it went against Marinette's nature to lie to people; she abhorred liars. His heart went out to her.

'She'll be ok,' Adrien told her, laying a consoling hand on her arm. 'She's tough, and she's got Chat Noir. If she needs someone to talk to, she has him.'

Marinette gave Adrien a small smile, blushing lightly. He grinned back at her as Madame Bustier entered and called the class to attention.

Nino turned to the front and focussed all of his attention on the lesson. Everything would be fine if he could keep himself distracted with more important things. Adrien sighed, gaze drifting somewhere else as he fantasized about Ladybug. Nino heaved an exasperated sigh of his own.

The day passed uneventfully. After school, however, there was another akuma attack, and the students fled home to safety. As Nino walked, the battle shifted until it was only a block away, but Ladybug and Chat Noir defeated it soon after.

Nino emerged from behind a billposter to see Chat Noir huddled close to the other side, before a bright flash came over him. Blinking away the spots, Nino's mouth dropped open when he saw Adrien where Chat Noir had just been.

Adrien looked at him in surprise, then grinned guiltily. He rubbed the back of his head as he got to his feet. 'Oops,' he said with a forced chuckle.

'Oh, for crying out loud. Not you, too,' cried Nino, throwing his hands up.

'Hey, you can talk,' Adrien said, happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrien: What do you mean "not you, too?"  
> Nino: Uhh *backs away slowly, eyes shifty*  
> Nino: SeeyoulaterBye!! *runs away for ever*


	14. Out of the Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir has an Urgent Need.

Chloe regarded Chat Noir critically as he hopped from foot to foot just outside her balcony doors.

'You want to do what?' she asked, raising a brow and feeling scandalised.

'I need to use your bathroom. I would have gone somewhere else, but my miraculous is about to time out and your place was closest. Please, let me in,' he begged.

Chloe curled her lip and half turned away from him. Perhaps, if it had been Ladybug asking, she would be a little more receptive to the idea of letting a stranger use her bathroom. But this was Chat Noir, a boy, who may or may not have been, properly trained in the use of toilets. Boys were notoriously messy, after all.

_For people who pee through a hose, shouldn't they have better aim_? She idly thought as Chat Noir continued his bizarre potty dance outside her door.

Chloe was also still bitter about Chat Noir leaving her to do that physics presentation all by herself. It gave her some small sense of satisfaction seeing him squirm, now when he needed her. Then, she remembered, she shouldn't hold a grudge. Adrien still implored her to make an effort to be nicer to people, but then again, that was something she couldn't let go of easily. That Presentation had been hard.

'Come on, Chloe,' Chat Noir whined, scratching at the door. 'Please, let me in. Someone will see me if I don't hide soon.' He clasped his hands in front of his chest, clearly displaying his ring.

Chloe's eyes widened. 'Then don't pee on the balcony,' she yelled.

'What?' Chat Noir yelled back. 'I wasn't going to. Why would you even think that?' The second last paw  pad on his ring blinked out.

'You said you needed to use the bathroom,' Chloe replied, indignantly.

'To hide while my ring charges up again,' he explained with exaggerated patience.

She blinked at him, regarding him for a long moment. So, he didn't need to pee, that was a relief. But, he would still be a strange boy in her room. He could be a thief, or a pervert. Chloe found she was in a Conundrum.

Finally, Chloe decided to be the bigger person and give him the benefit of the doubt. She opened the door and Chat Noir fell across the threshold before stumbling into her closet.

'Hey, that's not the bathroom,' she shouted as she banged on the door. 'Get out of there.'

'Sorry, it's an emergency,' came his muffled response.

'You'd better not pee on my clothes. They're all designer labels, and I don't want them ruined.'

There was a frustrated groan from within, but Chat Noir didn't say anything else.

_Rude_ , Chloe thought. She crossed her arms and huffed.

There was a knock on her bedroom door, Sabrina entering straight after. She was burdened with numerous shopping bags and hatboxes, her face barely visible through a gap between two boxes.

'Chloe, I got the clothes you ordered,' Sabrina sang as she approached the bed.

Chloe took the boxes and placed them carefully aside, then inspected the contents of the bags.

'Wow, you actually got it right,' she praised. Sabrina's chest puffed out in pride.

Chloe and Sabrina gossiped for an hour as Chloe sorted her new clothes. First by colour, then season, then brand. It was a lengthy process, but with Sabrina's assistance, it was almost fun. They took a half hour snack break, then spent another hour finishing up.

'I have to get going. Dad wants me home before dark,' Sabrina finally said.

Chloe walked her to the door before returning to her last pile of dresses, still waiting to be hung. She grabbed them by the hangers and opened her closet door. She shrieked as Adrien tumbled out and landed at her feet in an ungainly heap, something small and black cradled in his outstretched hands.

Chloe stared in disbelief. 'Adrikins? But, Chat Noir was. Now you're,' she gestured helplessly between her wardrobe and Adrien, still sprawled on her carpet. 'You're Chat Noir?' she screeched.

Adrien looked at her with a sheepish grin and chuckled. Chloe was not amused, however. She scowled at him, waiting for an explanation.

'Cheese,' the black thing moaned, plaintively.

'You'd better not have peed in there,' she said, sternly.


	15. Busted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Gabe thinks he's Darth Vader or some shit. He's not.

Chat Noir crept back into his room through his bedroom window, just like he'd done many times before. It always gave him a thrill, knowing he had successfully snuck out and back in again, with his father none the wiser.

He called for Plagg to release the transformation just as his bedroom light flicked on. Adrien looked up in horror to see Gabriel standing beside the light switch, a knowing smirk twisting his lips.

'It's after your bedtime, Son,' Gabriel said, taking a step toward Adrien. 'You should have been asleep hours ago.'

Adrien backed towards his windows, keeping a wary eye on Gabriel, and prepared to transform and jump to safety, if necessary.

'Come now, Adrien, don't be like that. Be a good boy and hand me that ring,' Gabriel said, holding out a hand expectantly.

'What? No way,' Adrien replied, holding his right hand behind his back protectively.

Gabriel scowled. 'Don't be difficult, Adrien. If you give me your ring, we'll be one step closer to bringing your mother home.'

Adrien looked at Gabriel, comprehension dawning. Shaking his head, he said, 'no. You can't be him.'

Gabriel smiled. 'Oh, but I am. I am Papillon. Just think, Adrien, together we can bring your mother home. We can be a family again.'

'What are you talking about? You're crazy. Mother wouldn't want to be brought home like this.'

'Just give me the ring, Adrien,' Gabriel repeated as he held out his hand once more.

'No way,' Adrien said, defiantly.

'Give me the ring. Now.'

'No.'

'Give it.'

'You're insane. Get your own ring.'

'Now you're just being ridiculous.'

'Your face is ridiculous.'

Gabriel clenched his fists. 'Give me the ring before I do something we'll both regret.'

'I thought I was something you regret.'

Gabriel gasped and clutched at his chest. 'Adrien, how could you say that? I have never thought that. You've cut me, deep. How could you hurt me like this? Just stick my head in the stove and gas me, why don't you? It would hurt less. My heart is breaking, Adrien, breaking!'

Adrien rolled his eyes and transformed again, leaping out of his window to find Ladybug.

He left Gabriel to continue his theatrics in an empty room.

 

* * *

 

'Has he been like this the whole time?' asked Ladybug.

'Yup,' Chat Noir replied, straight-faced.

'How long ago was that?'

'I left here about ten thirty, so maybe forty-five minutes to an hour?'

'You're telling me, the whole time you were tracking me down, he's been like that?'

'Yup,' Chat Noir repeated.

They watched Gabriel from Adrien's windowsill as he continued to rant and wail about his unfilial son.

'Just put me in my grave now and be done with it,' Gabriel moaned, laying a hand across his forehead.

'You said he confessed to being Papillon?' Ladybug asked, heavily sceptical.

'He sure did,' Chat Noir confirmed.

Ladybug sighed. 'We'd better call the police.'


	16. Shot in the Foot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya shoots herself - figuratively speaking.

'Crap, crap, crap, crap,' Rena Rouge chanted as she frantically searched around, in the dark, for her phone. She had left it attached to a wall at the mouth of an alley so she could film herself and her team take down the latest akuma. She scurried into the alley when her miraculous chimed a warning; she only had moments before her transformation dropped.

When Alya first received her miraculous, she had no intention of giving up her journalistic inclinations or the Ladyblog. She just had to be more creative. Spider-Man had given her the idea to secure her phone to a wall so she could film herself. She figured she could still get excellent footage while dodging suspicion herself. Now, however, her plan had hit a snag since her phone was not where she had left it.

Alya threw her hands up and groaned in despair as her transformation fell. Her head fell back and she closed her eyes as Trixx climbed over her shoulder to hide in her hair.

'Can we go and get snacks now?' Trixx asked, plaintively.

Alya heaved a sigh. 'Yeah, let's go,' she replied, opening her eyes.

Something reflected the streetlight and caught Alya's attention. Her eyes widened before she desperately looked around for something to climb on. Spotting an old wooden crate of questionable structural integrity, Alya dragged it over and stood on it. She had to stretch up on the tips of her toes, but her phone was still just out of reach, perched on a window ledge in the rough brick wall. As Rena Rouge, she could leave her phone in high places and retrieve them easily, but she had never had to do so as herself until now.

'I thought you left that thing facing the street,' Trixx commented.

'So did I,' Alya grunted.

With a hop, Alya reached her phone with a triumphant cheer. The crate chose that moment to give up on life and collapsed, sending Alya to the ground with a painful thud.

'Ouch,' Alya moaned, rubbing her abused backside.

Trixx hovered before her, looking anxiously at the phone. 'Um, that's not still recording, is it?'

Alya checked the screen and screamed. She frantically pressed buttons until the display went dark, then shared a look with Trixx. Silently, Alya stood and walked home. It was after midnight and she had school in the morning.

 

* * *

 

_I should have stayed home in bed_ , Alya thought.  _Why did I have to livestream straight to the Ladyblog?_

People had been staring all day, murmuring and whispering behind their hands. The susurrus was unnerving and had followed her from the moment she left her room.

Her family had not reacted how she would have thought upon finding out she was a superhero. Marlena had grounded her, and Otis had shaken his head in worry. Only Etta and Ella had responded normally, too awed to speak.

As she walked to school, whispering and pointing fingers followed her. Alya clutched her schoolbag tight, holding it like a shield in front of her chest before she sprinted into the school. There were more stares and pointing in the locker room, so she turned in the doorway and fled to the relative safety of Madame Bustier's classroom. Once there, she collapsed into her seat, dropped her bag and placed her head between her knees. She drew deep breaths in an effort to calm down before she heard someone enter.

'Alya?' Marinette called, tentatively. 'Are you ok?'

_Marinette. Dear, sweet Marinette_ , Alya thought with relief.

She looked up as Marinette settled into her own seat, looking at Alya with concern, before gently rubbing her back soothingly.

'Yeah, I'm fine,' Alya replied. 'You know. Considering.'

The bell rang and their classmates filed obediently into the room, finding their seats. They glanced at Alya from the corners of their eyes, judging and criticising, but no one said anything.

'Considering what?' asked Marinette as she tilted her head.

Alya looked at her, dumbfounded. 'What do you mean "Considering what?" I totally gave myself away last night.' Alya was aware her voice was rising, but was too stunned by Marinette's obtuseness to care.

Marinette blinked. 'I have no idea what you're talking about,' she confessed.

Alya stared back in disbelief. Although, with Marinette, maybe she ought not be so surprised. Marinette often neglected to watch the Ladyblog, which meant she was probably the only person in the country who didn't know.

Exasperated, Alya exclaimed, 'I'm talking about how I filmed myself detransforming last night. Now, the entire city knows I'm Rena Rouge.'

The class fell silent as they all turned to stare. Marinette's eyes widened as her mouth fell open.

Fed up, Alya got to her feet. 'That's right. I'm Rena Rouge, and I accidentally revealed myself, via livestream, on my own blog last night 'cause I couldn't find my stupid phone.' She crossed her arms and resumed her seat with a huff.

The room remained silent for two minutes before Marinette spoke.

'Alya, there was nothing like that on your blog, last night or this morning.'

'Of course there was. My phone was still filming as I detransformed right in front of it.'

Marinette raised a finger like she was about to make a point, but her face scrunched up in confusion.

'Why do you have your phone while you're Rena Rouge, anyway?' Nino asked.

'It was the perfect cover,' Alya explained. 'If I still posted videos of the fights, no one would suspect Rena was me.'

'Seems egotistical and self-serving to me,' Chloe muttered.

Alya chose to ignore her, in light of another issue. 'Why are you all acting like it's no big deal? I'm a literal superhero who just gave away her identity. Why aren't you freaking out?'

Nino tried to whistle nonchalantly while Adrien rubbed the back of his head with an awkward smile. Chloe just huffed and turned away, while Marinette shrugged with a half-hearted giggle.

'How come you couldn't find your phone? You're usually more careful than that,' Adrien asked, quickly, when Alya glared at them.

'I'd left it attached to a wall outside an alley, several feet from the ground. It wasn't there when I came back. Instead, it had been relocated to a window ledge inside the alley about ten feet from the ground. Someone must have moved it.'

Adrien nodded. 'Did you detransform before or after you got it down?'

'Before, obviously. If I had still been Rena, I could have retrieved it easily.'

'Ok, now, was the camera pointed straight ahead while it was up there, or was it fixed at an angle so that it looked down?'

Alya tapped her chin, thoughtfully. 'It was leaning against the window, so the camera would have been focussed straight ahead.'

'There you have it, then,' Adrien cheered. 'If your phone was ten feet off the ground, and facing straight ahead, then it couldn't have seen you on the ground. It would only have seen the opposite wall. Your secret identity is still safe,' he concluded.

'Well, mostly,' Nino said, indicating their classmates who were still watching them avidly.

Alya slowly looked around, her eyes wide. 'Do you mean I just - ' she trailed off.

'Afraid so, Babe. You just outed yourself over nothing,' Nino said as he placed a comforting hand on her arm.

Alya gaped at him. 'But, all the pointing, all that whispering and the gossip. What was all that?'

'That was paranoia,' Nino explained. 'You let your fears override all rational thought.'

'But, my parents,' she insisted. 'Mum grounded me and Dad was really worried.'

'Probably because last night's attack was super late,' Marinette offered. 'You know how they worry.'

Alya looked from her friends to her classmates, mouth agape and eyes wide once more. Everyone was staring back with varying degrees of shock.

Alya then took a deep breath and gave a wailing shriek, before allowing her head to fall to her desk with a solid thump. Marinette patted her shoulder, sympathetically.

'What is going on in here?' Caline demanded as she entered. 'Is something wrong?'

'No, Madame Bustier,' everyone chorused, except for Alya, who was still repeatedly bumping her head against the desk.

 

* * *

 

Carapace: Don't tell Rena I moved her phone.

Chat Noir: That was you?

Carapace: You know how much she loves that thing. I didn't want it to get damaged.

Chat Noir: You're such a good boyfriend. We'll take this to our graves.


	17. Bees Aren't Defenceless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nino underestimates Chloe, and is a bit of a prat, tbh.

If there was one thing he hated about being a superhero, it was constantly having to save Chloe Bourgeois. Carapace felt like a lifesaver on a beach who kept having to rescue the same person over and over, after they had been told not to swim in a rip. No matter how many akumas came after her, no matter how often Ladybug lectured her on appropriate behaviour and the benefits of kindness, Chloe still insisted on being awful.

'Put me down, you ninja turtle reject,' demanded Chloe as she dangled from under his arm. 'I can look after myself.'

She was also ungrateful. Most people would appreciate how he risked his hide for them, but she wanted him to let her go. Typical.

'Hey, I don't like this any more than you do, Cupcake.'

'Cupcake?' she squawked, indignantly.

'But it's my job to get you to safety, whether you deserve it or not,' Carapace huffed as he turned a corner in the stairwell of the Grand Paris Hotel.

'What is that supposed to mean?' Chloe demanded, before her breath was forced out of her in an inelegant whoosh when Carapace leapt the final few steps.

'It means that one day, you're going to offend the wrong person, and we just may not be bothered enough to save you,' Carapace replied, grimly.

Chloe spluttered for a moment while Carapace left the stairwell and entered the lobby.

'Like I said, I don't need you to rescue me. I'm more than capable of saving myself.'

Carapace snorted. 'Sure you are,' he replied, condescendingly.

Chloe bristled. 'I can, too,' she declared as she began to wriggle out of his grip.

Carapace dropped her. 'Sure, Sweetheart. Now, do as you're told and find somewhere to hide until we can get this sorted.'

Chloe glared at him from the floor, but Carapace had already turned toward the elevators. None of the other heroes had arrived yet, so he'd been fending off the akuma and getting Chloe to safety on his own. He didn't like it, but he returned to the roof to keep the akuma busy until Ladybug showed up and dealt with it.

Queen B arrived shortly after Carapace got back to the roof. It was still far from ideal, but Carapace was desperate and willing to accept all the support he could get. The akuma appeared to be a guest at the hotel, but now wore a black and purple bodysuit. His main ability was controlling shadows and was able to form them into solid objects, like sledgehammers. Carapace had grown weary after dodging the wild swings aimed at his face and was extremely pleased when Queen B came in to help.

Another fifteen minutes after that, Rena Rouge and Ladybug arrived, claiming they had been busy and had missed his calls for assistance. Carapace said he would consider forgiving them if they would just hurry up and purify the damn thing already. The girls tagged in and the akuma was quickly cleansed and sent on its little buggy way.

Carapace had just fist bumped Rena Rouge and Ladybug and waved them off, when Queen B approached him. He turned to her with an appreciative smile.

'Thanks for the assist, QB. I would've been toast if you hadn't shown up.'

'I've told you not to call me that, Queen B sneered. Then, she smiled with an air of unmitigated superiority. 'I told you I was perfectly capable of looking after myself.'

Queen B then turned her nose up and flicked her hair as she walked back into the hotel, while Carapace stared after her, comprehension dawning.

'Chloe?' he muttered, horrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nino, later in his room: "Who in their right mind would give Chloe a miraculous?"
> 
>  
> 
> Fu, on the other side of town: *sneezes* "Someone's talking shit about me."


	18. Ending, Take: One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of three  
> I'll be wrapping this thing up with these last few chapters.   
> Enjoy!

It had come down to this. Ladybug and Chat Noir stood opposite Papillon in the rubble-strewn remains of his lair. Chat Noir had been the one to identify and locate him, but he wasn't very happy about it. Ladybug vacillated between astonishment and grim acceptance.

Now, here they were, standing before the man who Ladybug had once suspected. She suddenly felt an overwhelming need to say "I told you so."

Chat Noir was shuffling from foot to foot, glancing back at the massive window with a wince. 'Sorry about that. We didn't mean to come crashing in through the window.'

Ladybug's eyes flicked to him for a moment before refocussing on Papillon. 'Yes, we did. Chat, don't apologise for breaking the villain's window.'

Papillon was staring at them in surprise, which quickly morphed into irritation, which then turned into gleeful triumph.

'Oh, right,' Chat Noir corrected himself, raising his fists. 'I'm totally not sorry we came crashing in through that window.'

'That's right,' Ladybug continued. 'Now, surrender or we'll break all the glass in your entire house.'

'Wait, all the glass?' asked Chat Noir, lowering his fists.

'All the glass,' Ladybug confirmed with a nod.

'Even the mirrors?'

Ladybug hesitated. 'Ok, maybe not the mirrors. But definitely all the windows.' Ladybug paused, looking thoughtful. 'And maybe not Adrien's bedroom windows.'

'Are you two quite done?' Papillon asked, looking bored.

'What? No, we're not done. You're also going to surrender your miraculous,' Ladybug declared as she pointed a righteous finger at him.

Papillon rolled his eyes. 'I don't think so.'

Chat Noir looked between Ladybug and Papillon. 'So, is that it, then?'

Ladybug shot him a withering look. 'Of course, that's not it. Now, we fight. Chat Noir, I choose you. Scratch attack!'

Chat Noir lowered his fists once more and glared at Ladybug. 'Why do I have to go first?'

'Because I'm the leader and I give the orders.'

'That's not very fair,' Chat Noir pouted and crossed his arms.

'Life's not fair,' Ladybug retorted.

While they bickered, Papillon calmly walked up to them and simply snatched their miraculouses and left.

Marinette and Adrien were left standing there, staring at each other in confusion.

'What just happened?' Adrien asked.

Marinette seethed. 'You screwed up is what happened,' she growled.

'What, me? Why is everything always my fault?'

As they fought, Papillon began his evil reign over Paris unopposed and lasted for the next four decades. The people despaired, and life was miserable, but at least Gabriel was happy.


	19. Ending, Take: Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second scenario

Ladybug and Chat Noir crashed through Papillon's enormous butterfly window, landing before him in their trademark poses, Chat Noir wobbling only a bit at his landing.

'We are so cool,' he muttered.

'We totally are,' Ladybug whispered back.

Papillon recovered from his shock with only mildly dampened pants. 'I see you have finally tracked me down,' he said, subtly jiggling his leg.

'We know who you are, too,' Chat Noir said with a scowl.

Papillon applauded them, his lips twisted into an ironic smirk. 'Yes, you're both so very clever.'

'I know, right?' Chat Noir preened.

Ladybug raised her fists. 'Let's get down to business.'

'To defeat the Huns,' Chat Noir sang.

'To defeat Papillon,' she corrected, reproachfully.

He grinned and rubbed the back of his head. 'Right, right,' he agreed with a chuckle.

Ladybug turned back to Papillon. 'Why don't you make it easier on yourself and just hand us your miraculous?' she suggested.

'Or, you could just give me yours,' Papillon countered.

Ladybug and Chat Noir gave him flat stares. 'No,' they said, in unison.

Papillon sighed and hung his head. 'Look, all I want is to get my wife back.'

Chat Noir's eyes welled. 'You want to reunite your family?' he asked, softly.

'Exactly, so my son can have his mother back, and I can have the love of my life by my side again. There's no evil schemes, no plans for world dominance. I just want my family together and happy again.'

Chat Noir was openly crying now, and Ladybug was struggling to contain her own tears. 'Maybe... Maybe we can cut a deal. We'll unite our miraculous so you can get your wife back. Deal?'

Papillon's eyes were misty now, too. 'You would actually do that for me?'

Ladybug and Chat Noir agreed, and together, they removed their miraculouses. Marinette and Adrien looked at each other without their masks. Adrien squealed in delight and Marinette swooned into his arms. Once the joy subsided enough, they combined their jewels and Gabriel wished for the safe return of his beloved wife.

Adele appeared in a flash of pink, green, and gold sparkles. Gabriel immediately pulled her into a hug, Adrien throwing himself at them moments later. Adele was deeply confused for a moment, but rallied and smiled gently at her boys. Adrien then pulled an awkward Marinette into their reunion, all of them teary by now.

They resolved their issues with many hours of family therapy, and developed a healthy dynamic. Adrien was happy, his parents were happy, and the day he turned twenty, he proposed to Marinette.

Then, they all lived happily ever after. Well, there were minor squabbles, but they used the techniques they'd learned in therapy to resolve them. So, it was mostly happily ever after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've taken Madame Agreste's name from the painting behind Gabe's desk. The one inspired by Gustav Klimt's Portrait of Adele. In case you were wondering.   
> If, or when, her real name is revealed in cannon, I probably wont come back and correct it. I'm lazy like that.


	20. Ending, Take: Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last installment of my Ridiculous Reveals.  
> I hope you have enjoyed reading these as much as I enjoyed writing them!  
> Thank you so much for sticking around and reading this mess.  
> Bye bye for now!

Ladybug and Chat Noir scaled the wall below a large and obnoxious butterfly shaped window.

'I can't believe we missed this,' Chat Noir grumbled. 'This guy doesn't do anything by halves.'

Ladybug hummed an agreement before peering in through the lowest pane, cupping her hands around her eyes to block out the daylight. The room beyond was too dark to see clearly. 'All right, Chat Noir, break the window so we can get in.'

Chat Noir raised his right hand. 'Cata - '

Ladybug clapped a hand over his mouth. 'Not with Cataclysm, Dummy. We might need longer than five minutes to beat him, and you may need Cataclysm later. Just use your staff.'

'Oh, right,' Chat Noir replied, sheepishly.

As they stood on the narrow ledge below the window, Chat Noir reached for his baton and extended it to staff length. He gripped one end of it and hefted it straight up over his head. He then brought his arms back, giving himself plenty of room, and swung the staff in an overhand motion and smashed the window. They cringed at the noise, and quickly leapt inside so no one on the street would think they were common vandals and call the police.

Once they got inside, they scanned the room. It was empty, except for a few stray butterflies.

'He's really got a handle on that butterfly thing, doesn't he,' Chat Noir observed.

Ladybug was just about to reply when a panel in the floor slid open. They scurried into a dark corner before Papillon rose through the aperture. He noticed the broken window immediately.

'What do we have here?' he asked, with a chilling smirk. 'A couple of intruders, hiding in the shadows like lowly cockroaches. Perhaps they could compensate me for my broken window with their miraculouses?'

'Ha! You wish, Madame Butterfly,' Chat Noir retorted as he stepped out of the gloom. Ladybug joined him, standing at his side confidently.

Papillon smiled at them condescendingly. 'Just make it easier for yourselves and detransform now,' he suggested.

'I've got a better idea,' Ladybug replied. 'You detransform and surrender.'

'Do you really think it's going to be that easy, Ladybug? That I'll just drop my transformation for you, my one advantage?'

'Well, I was hoping,' she replied with a shrug.

Papillon snorted. 'As if, Ladybug. You will be the one saying "detransform me" before I do.'

Purple sparkles began to flash up Papillon's legs. He gasped and said, 'no, wait. Shit. Nooroo, I didn't mean it. Shit. Stop!'

It was too late; Gabriel Agreste stood before them. Chat Noir gaped, frozen in astonishment. Ladybug, however, lunged forward and snatched his miraculous from his lapel.

'I guess you said it first, after all,' she said, archly.

Gabriel glared at her. 'Shut up, Ladybug.'


End file.
